Poker Night
by Fueled By Dr. Pepper
Summary: It's the pack's poker night. All bets are off; behavior wise. 1783 words. One-shot. Canon, for once. Vulgarity laden.


Shuffle, shuffle, knock, bang.

Leah Clearwater burst into Jacob Black's house with her arms full with snacks like any other week that the pack met for a poker night. It was nothing new; since the 'Night That Never Ended' Leah was the official snack coordinator for the gatherings.

What was different was the familiar but completely unexpected person waiting in the kitchen. When she plopped the food down, both of them spoke in shock and awe.

"Paul?"

"Leah?

And, simultaneously, "Why are you here?"

Jacob entered the room at the exactly wrong moment. Once he felt the burning stares begging for answers, he briefly contemplated backing out of the room before moving toward the pile of refreshments and grabbing a can of Mountain Dew.

"So, why's little Miss Sunshine here? Entertainment? I didn't know Poker Night included a stripper."

"In your dreams, Pauline. Are you here to imprint on Jake too? Just can't keep your pants on around the Black family, can you?"

Jake choked on his gulp of soda and gestured a time-out with his hands.

"No more jabs. If anyone phases in this house, I'm using their pelt as a rug."

Leah merely sneered and continued with her routine of setting up the snacks for the night. Paul chose to keep up the annoyance, consequences be damned.

"Seriously, are you two, like, an item? Eddie Cullen would kill you, Jake, for cheating on Loch Ness."

Jake's face wore disgust but his clenched fist was a sure sign of his brewing anger.

"Do not call Ness that. Ever. And Leah is Beta, an important part of my pack, and she's always here for poker."

Paul seemed to mutter something like 'I wouldn't poke her', but even the highly sensitive ears of his fellow shape-shifters couldn't be sure that was it.

"If that bastard gets to know why I'm here, can I please be graced with the exact reason I'm gonna have to put up with his ass all night?"

Paul blew her a kiss and Leah's middle finger blocked it.

Jake laughed, "Rachel . . . convinced me."

Paul shook his head in disagreement, "More like she told you. Face it, bro," Jake winced at the word, "she's got both of us wrapped around her finger."

Leah raised an eyebrow, "I know you guys are like puppies at her feet but really, Jake? How did you not slug him every five seconds?"

Jake shrugged, "Rachel has been forcing us to hang. It's not that bad. I was more afraid of this," he motioned between Paul and Leah, "dynamic ending badly."

Leah scoffed and Paul raised his hands in defense.

"I won't do anything stupid. I can't speak for him though."

"You could shop for me though, nice taste in snacks, Clearwater."

"Is that a compliment I hear? From Paul? Be still my beating heart!"

Paul stuck his tongue out before shoving a handful of chips into his mouth.

Jacob shook his head in confused amusement, "Clearly, I was wrong."

Both of the others shrugged it off.

"Why are you getting all the food, Lee? I had no idea craft service was on the list of Beta duties. I must really be slacking on the job."

Leah laughed a genuine laugh and pointed at her Alpha, "He made it an official thing after this one week he forgot to stock up and we all nearly starved to death."

"That is an exaggeration. We had snacks. They just didn't last long."

"One mini-bag of chips and two bottles of water lasted all of a minute, Jake."

Paul guffawed, spraying the part of the counter near him with half-chewed chips and in-between her other movements, Leah quickly cleaned the mess up.

"Tell him why I picked you then. Why you, out of all the pack, are dubbed the snack queen."

"I am so poisoning your Mountain Dew tonight."

Paul swallowed his food and if he were in wolf form, his ears would be perked in curiousity, "I am intriguied. What qualifies Lee to be honored with such a duty?"

Both males chuckled at the word 'duty' and Leah rolled her eyes as she finished up her work.

"Leah Clearwater cooks. Pretty damn well, too."

The room froze in that moment of time.

"There are so many women in the kitchen jokes I could make. I don't know which one to choose."

Leah grabbed an over mitt and threw it at Paul. He of course caught it without breaking his slow tugging train of thought.

"So, did you learn from Emily? Or is it like, a student-master thing, where you taught her everything she knows but she gets all the glory?"

Leah growled, deeply and truly, and Jake started shoving Paul out of the line of fire.

She spoke clearly but quietly, "We grew up together. Of course we shared interests, like cooking. We used to do it together. It was our thing. Before."

Both men nodded before quietly making their exit to the next room.

Soon enough, Quil arrived and after him, Embry and Seth came in fresh from patrol.

All parties drifted to the dining room table, where the food, cards, and poker chips laid out perfectly. General ribbing and name-calling drifted through the room. And on cue, Paul went a bit too far.

"I seriously still don't get exactly why this isn't a bitch-free zone, no offense, Leah."

Her pack brothers tried to be subtle in the whipping of their heads to gauge her reaction. She was currently in a good mood, coddled by the massive amount of sugar coursing through her bloodstream.

"It would be but poker isn't fun by myself and I hate Solitare."

There was a collective laugh and Paul admitted defeat as he dug a chip into the bowl of dip.

"By the way, you're welcome."

Paul frowned, "What?"

Leah nodded towards the dip, "I made it."

Paul shook his head and looked at the other guys, "Seriously? Like made-made it? No instant dip from a packet kind of made?"

Leah sat back, a smug smirk on her face; "I made it like your parents fucked to make you. So you're welcome for the delicious flavors making sweet love in your mouth."

With a little more respect for her, Paul continued to enjoy Leah's dip, despite the horrifically detailed images of his parents boinking in the Clearwater's kitchen bouncing around in his head.

Leah took on the role of dealer, letting the 'playas' play. Tootsie roll sticking out of the corner of her mouth like a cigar, she smack talked more than any of the people who actually had money in the pot.

"You know that's a bluff. Call bull, you pussy."

Embry's eyes flickered from his hand to Leah, trying to see if she was just messing with him.

"I dunno, that ugly mug of Quil's usually has the weird smirk-but-not-really thing when he's playing a shit hand."

Quil never took his eyes off his cards. He started singing in falsetto, "He can't read my, can't read my, poker face."

Leah threw an empty wrapper at him, "Bitch, don't try and steal my theme song."

Paul nearly choked on his root beer, "Leah Clearwater cooks and is gaga for Godga? I have seen everything."

Leah threw a fully wrapped Twizzler at him, "Just the one song. It's played every week when I clean these bitches' wallets out when I play."

"Whose iPod is it on then? Someone has to have it for you guys to listen to it."

All eyes were on Jake as he scoured the nutritional information on the Cracker Jack box, like it meant anything to his almost flawless werewolf immunity. Paul doubled over in his seat with uncontrolled laughter.

"Rachel played you a song and you were hooked, weren't you? Oh God, this is priceless."

Jake shoved Paul who easily fell out of the chair and onto the floor, still giggling.

"Like you don't sit through it when she plays it."

"Dude, who do you think showed her Gaga?"

A resounding "What?" rang out from the entire table. Paul slowly crawled back into his chair.

"I was tired of guessing whether it was he or she or he/she. I looked her up and one of the sites had the music on auto play. Next thing I know, I'm downloading the whole fucking album."

Jake and Paul immediately burst into laughter together and high-fived.

Amused but still eager to get home before 3, Leah interjected, "Hate to break up the Bad Bromance but we're still playing a card game, little monsters."

They calmed down and the game went on. Without Leah's table clearing talent, all the boys left with relatively the same amount of money they came with, though Seth proved to be his sister's brother and went home with a 20-dollar profit.

Leah stuck around, as usual, to help clean up the food and gather some leftovers to take home for Sue and Charlie's after-date nightcap.

After the last of it was packed and she was making her way back in to say goodbye, Jacob popped out onto the porch with two beers in hand. He motioned to the chairs and Leah sat down as he handed her one of the drinks.

"Do you really want to incur Billy's wrath when he counts beers and sees how many are missing?"

Jake shrugged, "Paul and Seth snuck a few while you were in the bathroom. As long as I'm going to hell . . . " and took a long swig from the beer in hand.

Leah nodded and sipped from her bottle.

"Figures that fucker would try and get my little brother drunk. Again."

Jacob laughed at the memory of Sam and Emily's wedding. The overturned punch bowl and three ruined suits were the only dark spot of the happy event, which was surprising considering how it could have turned out.

"By the way, thanks for not mauling him for all the shit spewed. I don't need Rach on my case about him more than usual. Though the long-ass goodbye hug was unnecessary. And awkward."

Leah chuckled and sipped from her beer again, "He was trying to slip an ice cube down my shirt. It melted in his hand. I was able to sneak a Tootsie roll down his crack, which should have also melted quite hilariously."

Jacob grinned and looked at her. She looked back and they both started cracking up.

When the beers were done, Leah shuffled her way to the car and waved one last farewell to Jacob. Not one to besmirch traditions anymore, Leah pumped up the volume and blasted "Poker Face" as she pulled away from the Black home.


End file.
